Learning to Love Yourself

I have a confession to make. I’m always telling my dating coaching clients that they need to love themselves. After all, if you don’t love yourself….or at least really like yourself A LOT then you can’t really expect anyone else to want to do so.

The problem is that every now and again I have a hard time sticking to my own advice.

Now don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of days that I think I’m perfectly lovable. I can see all my positive traits – funny, hard working, loyal, smart etc – but every now and again I question myself.

I start to wonder if perhaps I’m a bit too irritable or should be doing more than I am . Maybe I’m annoyed at myself for eating a few too many biscuits or procrastinating about finishing a project. I should have gone to the gym rather than catching up on the latest episode of my favourite box set.

I expect you are exactly the same and I want you to know that it’s ABSOLUTELY FINE!

As human beings, it’s completely normal to have bad days as well as the good ones. Sometimes we’ll look in the mirror and see someone looking back that we like and other times when we aren’t so sure. This could be a person who looks a bit tired, needs to lose a few pounds, is having a bad hair day or has a few more wrinkles than they expected.

We are all imperfect creatures and if we were all the same we’d all be extremely boring indeed. It’s out odd little quirks that make us special. Learning to love yourself can take time if we don’t know how to start.

There’s a big difference between those who are successful in love ( or indeed life) and those that are still trying to find their way: The ones who are doing well accept every part of who they are…..and just don’t let the silly stuff make any difference.

Every one of us is wonderful and completely lovable in our own way. We each have our own qualities ( good and bad) and our own unique skill sets and personalities. We all have things that are lovable and knowledge we can share with other people.  Once you start learning to love yourself, you can get anything you want.

Being yourself it the ultimate piece of “dating” advice. You have to be true to yourself. Yes, that’s absolutely true – but you have to learn to be the best version of you possible. If you don’t have much going on then go out and learn some hobbies, take a new class and make yourself even better.

I ask my clients to make three secrets list for me and it’s something you might like to try too. The lists are really simple and will help you learn to be more positive, lovable and generally increase your happiness.

I have my own private lists and think about them on my commute to work. When I do that I start the start thinking powerfully and optimistically. It’s the first steps of learning to love yourself fast.

LIST ONE – GRATITUDE LIST

The first list is where you write down all the things you are grateful for. The more things you can think of then then the more you’ll realise what an amazing life you have. You could start with your health, your friends – even your high speed internet. Whatever comes to mind then write it down.

LIST TWO – YOUR SPECIAL QUALITIES

What are you really good at in life? What do you enjoy? Perhaps you are a keen traveller or make a mean Roast Dinner. Or maybe you can speak three languages or are great with kids. All these little things will help you see what a great catch you are.

LIST THREE – COMPLIMENTS

Every time someone pays you a compliment, write it down. When you start to really listen, you’ll soon notice more and more. Once the list has built up you’ll realise exactly how amazing you really are. If you are struggling with these lists, that’s cool. You can add to them whenever something happens or pops into your mind.

So there you have it – the secret of loving yourself. I want you to know that YOU ROCK! Now go out there and show everyone else exactly why.

James Preece
Dating Coach and Dating Expert at The Dating Guru

James Preece is the Dating Guru.


He is the UK’s leading Dating Coach and Relationship Expert, helping 1000s find love each year.