Should I Break Up With My Girlfriend?

We’ve all reached a point where we’re looking at our relationship and unsure of it’s future. This often boils down to one of two reasons: You’re questioning them or you’re questioning yourself. My advice has always been: If you have to ask “Should I break up with my girlfriend” , you already know the answer.

Let’s look at it this way: If you’re happy in your relationship and everything is great, you wouldn’t be considering breaking it off. You’re only considering a break-up because something isn’t working. Now, there are obviously things that could be fixed. It’s not always a “walk away” situation. Putting the work into your relationship can save it, even if you’ve reached the point of questioning something. But, there’s a better chance that you’re not interested in saving it. That’s not me saying you obviously don’t care for the person. It’s just that when you get to this point, there is always a reason. Perhaps the time has come to look for a new relationship

Before you start asking “should I break up with my girlfriend ”  there are some things you can look at within yourself. The first thing you need to ask yourself is: Is it you, or is it them?

If you’re feeling a particular emptiness, there’s a chance it’s only within yourself. You may be looking at your partner, expecting them to help you fill a void that they will never have the power to fill. If that is the case, no relationship will ever make you happy. You will end one after the other on a search for something that you have to find within yourself.

How can you figure out if you’re having internal or external problems? It’s not as easy as “knowing”. Many of us have no idea why we’re feeling the way we do. We know how we feel, and nothing of the cause. If we don’t know the cause, we can’t possibly know the solution either. I have two suggestions, both of which have worked for me in the past:

1. Keep a journal

There is a therapeutic relief by writing down your thoughts. You can use a hand-written journal, or a locked server online. You can even keep a journal on your phone by downloading the app Evernote. Evernote allows you password protection, meaning your partner could never get into your writings. The reason a journal is advised (besides being free) is because it gives you the opportunity to say whatever you want, free of judgment. You’re only talking to yourself, which can actually help you pull up a world of internal issues. If how you’re feeling really is caused by something internal, this will help you to figure out what to do next.

2. Go to a Dating Coach

If writing isn’t your thing, you need to talk about your issues. Do it independently at first, but let your partner know that you’re going to be seeking help. This gives your partner the piece of mind that you’re taking action to fix whatever issues you have. They will feel somewhat included in your decision to do this. If through coaching, you discover your problems are actually with your partner, you can always opt for couples coaching . If you’re convinced it’s a problem that can’t be fixed, then you know it’s time to call it off.

This way, you’ll have gone through the other channels before making this decision. You never want to break-up with someone out of rash decision, based in emotion and not logic. So eliminate any possibilities and focus on what remains. Choose a course of action, based on whatever you determined the problem to be. Be wise about the break-up and be honest. If you are breaking things off, don’t be cliche and use “it’s not working” or “it’s not you, it’s me”. You wouldn’t like to hear that in reverse, right? Tell them what the problem is, and how you came to the solution that breaking up works the best. They may be upset at first, but, later they will respect your honesty.

Hopefully this answers the question “Should I break up with my girlfriend ?” but if not, you can always book a dating coaching session with me. 

James Preece
Dating Coach and Dating Expert at The Dating Guru

James Preece is the Dating Guru.


He is the UK’s leading Dating Coach and Relationship Expert, helping 1000s find love each year.