Why do guys disappear after a great first date

So why do guys disappear after a great first date? We’ve all been there asking the same question. You took someone out for a date. You thought everything went swimmingly. Then, you never hear back from them. You’re left in the limbo of what went wrong. You don’t know if it’s something you did, or something you said. How can you improve on your dating skills if they don’t give you feedback about where you went wrong? Unfortunately, ignoring phone calls, texts and emails is a way of saying “I’m not into you”. No one comes out and says “sorry, I didn’t like that joke you told about the duck” or “I was unimpressed by your attire/smell/etc”. These feedback statements would be great. You could avoid making the same mistakes in the future.

Instead, you’ve got to refer to a standard list of reasons it might have gone wrong. If you really want to know the answer to why did they disappear after a date, here are two main reasons I see as a Dating Coach :

They’re Not Interested

Alright, so the main reasons why guys disappear after a great first date is that they aren’t interested. Whether the date was perfect on your end or not, they weren’t feeling you. It might have been something you did/said/wore, or, it was just you as a person. I mean, you may be awesome. That doesn’t mean you’ll be suitable for everyone, right? We do have our individual ideals for a partner. It could be that simple: you don’t fit that ideal.

It’s Not You, It’s Them

Believe it or not, one of the reasons you didn’t hear from them again could have nothing to do with you. There are many people who go on really great dates, then get nervous or shy out from future communication. Some are afraid that the date went too well and that it’s a sign of the disaster that may come. Others might be embarrassed about personal details. Whether it’s their family or their career/job/hobbies. Going on a date is great in theory. When the date goes well, it becomes a reality that many people didn’t consider. It’s letting you into their world. There’s a chance, they just weren’t ready for that!

Of course, there’s no way to determine the reason “why do guys disappear after a great first date” . But, you can learn something from the whole experience:

Get on the same page with your date about what you’re both looking for. Make sure that you discuss ideal future plans, or even the idea of a perfect someone. You could consider this a screening process, maybe even before you meet up. This is a good conversation to have before, if you’re meeting people online. Meeting someone in person, this conversation might be a little harder to have. Although, in person, you can read their body language. That might give you more of an answer than words. If they seem disinterested in the conversation, there’s a chance you’re not going to be a good fit for them.

You wouldn’t want to confuse discomfort with disinterest though. Many people are uncomfortable having the conversation because they feel it puts them on the spot. So, break up your questions. Mix them into casual conversation and other subjects. This should take some of the pressure off the conversation topic.

Finally, pay attention to the body language on any date. You might catch something. Maybe about yourself, how you approach others. Or maybe about the people you choose to date. You don’t want more reasons why you didn’t hear from them again. You’d rather secure multiple dates with someone, I’m sure!

If you’d like my relationship coach help to find out “why do guys disappear after a great first date” the book a dating coaching session today

James Preece
Dating Coach and Dating Expert at The Dating Guru

James Preece is the Dating Guru.


He is the UK’s leading Dating Coach and Relationship Expert, helping 1000s find love each year.


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