Zainab (A.K.A Tinderella Worldwide) is a 26-year-old travelista who swipes her way across the globe and has plenty of tinder and dating advice on her site http://tinderellaworldwide.com/ Here, she gives a lowdown of her tinder fails and valuable lessons we could all learn from them.
10 Lessons to Learn from Tinder
Tinder has a bit of a reputation. When I talk about it to people who don’t use it, I still get hit by “Isn’t that just for hooking up?” I look at them with a pained expression and start reeling off a long list of things they’re missing out on by not swiping. Being on tinder for the past 4 years has taught me tonnes and it’s so much more than just a hook-up app. So, here’s my list of life lessons to learn from tinder – for any of you who doubt the power of the swipe.
Lesson 1: How to sell yourself online
The world is a dog-eat-dog place and you need to know how to present yourself on different online platforms. Tinder is like a magical CV that you can keep adjusting to get ‘interviews’. This CV is meant to highlight attractive traits and make you seem desirable to date. What are attractive traits? Well, remember that amazing ravioli you can cook, those salsa lessons and that spider you bravely killed? It all pays off. Learn how to be a master-marketer and wordsmith – loads of transferable skills here. Here are some cheat sheets on how to sell yourself with tinder pictures and with a tinder bio
Lesson 2: How to be less shallow
Huh? Isn’t the whole swiping at 100 mph through a mountain of pictures meant to be the epitome of shallowness? No, no and no! In fact, using tinder well makes you better at reading into subtleties; e.g. Do they seem like a smiley person? Do they seem like they can have a conversation with their bio? Scouring those six pictures and paragraph for information on the type of person someone is about as shallow as sizing someone up in real life. Yeah, blindly swiping right in desperation won’t help here, so fix the profile by selling yourself better; then you can afford to be more selective.
Lesson 3: How to conduct yourself appropriately on a date
You learn this through a lot of trial and error. After turning up to a date in tracksuits, I learnt how important it is to have a bulletproof smart/casual wardrobe. After puking on a cashpoint, I learnt how important it is to control your alcohol. After loads and loads of dates, you mould yourself into a smooth operator et voila! Tinder is the best medium to get those dates.
Lesson 4: How to not have high expectations
Guess what? Despite all your careful profile-reading, sometimes people are nothing like their tinder selves. Not because they’ve lied; it’s just chemistry is one thing you can never predict. Which is why you should never delay meeting someone for ages and become attached to them. I did this once and when I met a guy who I really got on with via texts, it was clear that we had no actual chemistry and that led to a seriously awkward date. Using tinder a lot helps you to accept that you know nothing about a person until you meet them. This in turn helps you stop hinging your own sense of happiness on other people and rely more on getting that happiness from yourself.
Lesson 5: How to converse well
No, we’re not all turning into robots from being online all the time. Becoming a serial dater thanks to tinder allows you to perfect the art of conversation. Talking, listening and asking. Tuning into your date’s body language and reading facial expressions to see how they react to certain topics and what they’re like as people. Meeting a higher volume of people than you would ever have a chance to by just hanging around bars makes you much more of a people’s person.
Lesson 6: How to appreciate positive traits in everyone
A lot of the time, dates aren’t romantic, and you can never see yourself with the person in front of you. But if you get disappointed each time that happens, it would really suck. In addition to not building up crazy expectations, try and see the positives in everyone; a great sense of style, funny jokes, a warm personality, cool stories… One date I went on but wasn’t attracted to was a magician who knew some amazing card tricks; that made for a very cool date!
Lesson 7: How to trust your gut
We are born with intuition and instinct, but it often takes practice to learn how to trust it. Red flags, alarm bells and rudeness were often ignored by me in my early days of tinder. I was so excited to be on a date that I overlooked certain stinky traits; phubbing, not knowing how to listen, making moves too fast for my comfort. Not anymore. When you ignore a red flag a few times, you learn not to in the future. Gut instincts are there for a reason and serial dating helps you trust them.
Lesson 8: How to be assertive
Should I send the first message? Yes. Should I ask him out? Totally. Should I make the first move? Go for it. Tinder teaches you not to wait around, whatever your gender. It even prompts you with messages like “Send a message before your battery dies” and boosts your ELO ranking in its algorithm to make your profile more ‘attractive’ when you engage with matches. This is great for bridging gender gaps. Equally importantly; once you go on lots of dates and start trusting your gut, you’ll learn to speak up about what you like, what you think and when you want to say no. it comes with practice.
Lesson 9: How to keep safe
Your date could be anyone. Should this stop you from meeting them? No. just learn some ground rules for being safe: tell a friend where you’re going, meet in a public place, don’t give out private info like your address, stalk them beforehand. There’s lots you can do – find more tips here . Why should you give up all these valuable life lessons you can learn from tinder, just because there’s a 0.1% risk your date is an axe-murderer? Just be safe.
Lesson 10: How to deal with rejection
Rejection sucks. But it’s a part of life – and where better to learn about it than tinder? You will be ghosted, ignored and betrayed, no matter how hot you are. Great. Learn how to deal with those feelings and pick yourself up to be stronger than before. Again, learn how to stop letting yourself depend on others for your happiness. And the dates that scar you will probably disappear back into the tindersphere never to be seen again. Amazing.
Being able to meet strangers for a variety of reasons; friendship, conversing, hooking up, dating or getting into a relationship is a beautiful thing. And I’m really grateful to tinder for orchestrating that in my life – I’ve learnt loads and keep learning as a Tinderella.