This article was written by Diana Indries, co-inventor of Better Topics, The World’s First Replayable Card Game For Couples.

How do you get the exact guy or girl you want? 

In order to get the perfect partner, we first need to get very clear on who they are, and I mean extra clear. If you do not talk in specifics, God, the Universe, or the higher power that you believe in, cannot narrow it down for you. 

If you just say something along the lines of: ‘ Ohh… I just want him to be taller than me,’ it is quite obvious you will never meet the perfect person because your ask is waaaayyy to broad. 

The Universe can find millions of people that are taller than you… but that doesn’t mean all of them would be good for you. I’d actually argue most of them would NOT be good for you.

You need to narrow it down. But keep it positive

As I had a few failed relationships, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to be honest. But I did have a few friends who had the type of relationship I would want with someone, so I used them as an example to gain some clarity. 

If you are unsure of how to get the exact guy or girl you want, you can start by thinking of the things that you don’t want, the things you don’t like in other people (or in yourself) and turn all those into positive items on your list. 

For example if you hate it when people are late, what you should write on your list is something along the lines of ‘A person who is always punctual and that respects my time’. 

If there are things that you are unsure of, or not very bothered about, then don’t include them on your list. For example, I did not care what eye color my perfect partner would have. Therefore I did not include that on my list at all. 

If you want to get the exact guy or girl, you need to focus on what IS important for you!

Start with THE LIST!

For me, it all started with a book. A book in which the writer was saying that we all choose our experiences on this earth, be it good or bad, conscious or unconscious, but we all have a choice. 

That was my ‘AHA’ moment. 

I took out a pen and paper and started writing a list of all the values and qualities MY perfect partner should have. At one point I got scared and thought: Am I asking for too many things? Maybe I;m being greedy, and surely there aren’t people out there who would meet ALL of these things at the same time… 

Or are there? 

I kept repeating to myself: If I can choose anything, literally anything in this world, what would my perfect partner look like? And I continued with my list. 

When I was done, I ended up having about 21 main points. 

Then, I swear to you, a couple of months later I met Robert. (who is now my husband and he does have ALL of the 21 points… plus some bonuses. 🙂 

At first, I couldn’t believe it… Sometimes I struggle to believe it to this day, but then I look at him and I remember it was all real, and he is a real person who has similar values as me and he met all the characteristics on my list. 

If that’s not enough, I was extremely surprised to discover that HE TOO had a list. He had written his ‘list’ 3 years before we met… which was more like a 7-PAGE essay with 36 points. 

Although his list was waaaaayyy more detailed than mine, it was like he had known me all my life and he had described me to the letter. He even went that far as to describe what hair color his partner should have (dark – which I have) and eye color (green – which I have), and also what languages his perfect partner would know (we both speak the exact same 3 languages fluently). 

The world is your menu. Choose Wisely

As you can see, you can choose how detailed you want to be with your list. You can choose to just list the values and main characteristics you appreciate in someone, or go all out and create an essay or mini-story. It is up to you and you can play with this and have fun. 

Think of it as you would be at a restaurant and you would need to choose the ingredients for your perfect dessert, only that you are choosing the ‘ingredients’ for your perfect partner. 

Then… what!?

Once you have your list and you are clear on what to do, get ready and prepare as if your perfect partner is about to knock on your door. 

I had the list for about 2 months before I actually met my, now husband, Robert. He had his list for 3 years, but to be honest… unlike me, he wasn’t actively searching for someone. 

If your perfect partner would appear now at your door would he/she like you the way you are now? If your answer is no or any form of “maybe”, then you need to work on yourself in the meantime. 

I’m not saying you should totally change yourself and your personality or hair color or clothes. I am saying to better yourself whilst you’re waiting for your perfect partner. 

Having a clear list helps you focus and helps the Universe narrow it down to that one specific person that fits your list perfectly. 

I have since told ‘The List’ story to some friends and some of them actually went ahead and did their own lists. Some had also met their perfect partners within a few months! 

But who knows… it might take even less for you if you are committed. 🙂 



Diana Indries is the co-inventor of Better Topics, The World’s First Replayable Card Game For Couples. A super fun card game that helps couples enjoy regular, meaningful conversation that strengthens their relationship!


Diana Indries

Diana Indries


At the time of this writing, Diana and Robert have a Kickstarter going on to help raise awareness to their mission of helping 1,000,000 couples experience even more love, joy, and connection, and to take the game to mass production!

If you want to show your support, please contribute on their Kickstarter page and also share it with others!


James Preece
Dating Coach and Dating Expert at The Dating Guru
James Preece is the Dating Guru.

He is the UK's leading Dating Coach and Relationship Expert, helping 1000s find love each year.