“Dear James, I’ve been in a happy relationship for the last three years. We do have arguments every now and again, but all is generally good. The problem is that I’ve started to realise that I fancy someone else too. It’s a guy I’ve been talking to a lot through work and we have Zoom meetings most days. Although we’ve not met, I’m really attracted to him and we have flirted a little. I love my partner and I don’t want to break up with them, but I can’t help my feelings. What should I do? ” Jane.
Thank you very much for your dating question. Lock down has changed the way many of us interact and it can bring people closer together. If you are talking to someone regularly – due to work – then you are naturally going to start to wonder more and more about them. There’s a psychological principle the “Familiarity Principle” which states that the more time you spend with someone then the more likely you are to get on. This can be a problem when you start to fantasise about them and it takes attention away from your real relationship.
With this mind, here are my relationship expert thoughts that might help you if you really do start to fancy someone else .
Before you do anything drastic, take a step back. It’s perfectly normal to still fancy someone else, even multiple people, when you are in a happy relationship. You’ll still be attracted and appreciate a good looking person when you see them. A little fantasy here or there is healthy as long as that’s all it is.
Be Honest If You Fancy Someone Else
Being attracted to someone is one thing but acting on it is quite another. If you are considering doing something behind your partners back then it might be better to set them free first. If you decide you’d rather be with someone else then break things off with your current partner first.
Consider What You Already Have
Quite often, people start getting a wandering eye when something is lacking in their existing relationship. Maybe it’s boredom or deep down you are unhappy. This is your brain looking for an escape and showing you there are other options. You either need to work on what’s gone wrong or get yourself out it. Otherwise, you risk wasting more of your life with the wrong person.
Don’t Engage Inappropriately
You might think having a little flirt or sending some cheeky texts is a perfectly harmless little game. The problem is that this can escalate quickly. One minute you are sending wink emojis and the next it’s half naked selfies. You may have no intention of ever doing anything serious, but imagine how you’d feel if you found these conversations on your partner’s phone. Stop now before it goes too far and don’t get yourself into situations that could lead to trouble.
If you find yourself in this situation and would like to talk to me in more detail, please do book a session with me through my dating coaching page. I’d love to help you choose what direction you need to take next!