Would you like to learn to be more affectionate?

For some, affection comes naturally. When we’re with someone we deeply care about, we feel an outpouring of love. We want to share. We want to be close. We want to feel like this is reciprocated. It’s easy for people like this and relationships seem to flow organically. A lot of this depends on how you were treated as a child. If you were given lots of cuddles when you were young you will find it a normal thing to do with a partner. 

Sadly, there are other people who find it difficult to be more affectionate. This happens for a variety of reasons and let’s leave those out. If you’re looking for guidance on how to show affection, you’re already taking the first step. As a leading Dating Coach, this is something that I’ve helped many singles deal with over the last sixteen years. Once you know what to know then it can be quite a simple process. It just needs a little practice.

Before we get into how to be more affectionate, it’s important to note that not everyone shows affection the same way. In fact, affection means something different to different people. For some, affection is kissing and touching. For others, affection is simply a closeness to another person. Consider the types of affection you’re currently showing. Now think about any additional methods you might be comfortable expressing. You don’t want to put too much pressure on yourself, so you’ll want to start out small and take it from there. If you don’t know where to start, consider asking your partner what type of affection they want from you. If you can’t give them exactly what they are asking for, work together on a compromise.

One method of learning to be more affectionate is by doing more activities with your partner. Ideally, you want to choose based on common interests. You also want one-on-one time with your partner, so leave out group events and activities. Focus on each other and strengthening the bond you have. You may feel you can express more affection when you feel more connected. This is why it is so important for couples to set aside time to just be together and reconnect. Whether you’re a new couple or celebrating your 50th anniversary, you should always make time for one another.

Consider your partner’s love language too when you are interacting with them. Some people need you to show affection through hugs, some through gifts and some through the way you act each day. Remember to remind them how much they mean to you. Flirt over text messages , go on date nights and give them little kisses when they aren’t expecting it. 

While being affectionate is important, it’s equally important that you’re not pushing your partners’ boundaries. It’s always a good idea to learn what your partner is looking for and how you can meet their needs. Likewise, how they can meet yours. You don’t want to come across as needy and you don’t want to appear cold and distant. Find what works for both of you. Always be appreciative of the efforts each other make. Love starts to fade when you stop appreciating what you share. 

Much like anything else, learning to be more affectionate starts with yourself. If you can’t show yourself affection, how can you properly show it to others? Again, being affectionate doesn’t mean the same for everyone. You can show affection to yourself in one way and to your partner in another way. You won’t show affection for family the same way you would towards a lover. Learn how to love yourself. Learn how to express that love. Learn to appreciate yourself. Once you can show yourself affection, it becomes easier to show everyone else.

Not everyone is going to be able to apply these methods into their own lives. If you’re still struggling or don’t feel like you can do any of these things, you may want to contact a professional. You can choose the personal therapy route or you can opt to try couple’s counseling. It isn’t always easy to open up to a professional, but it could make a huge difference. Not only in your romantic relationship, but other personal relationships as well.

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James Preece
Dating Coach and Dating Expert at The Dating Guru
James Preece is the Dating Guru.

He is the UK's leading Dating Coach and Relationship Expert, helping 1000s find love each year.