Today, I’m very excited to share a guest blog with you from the very talented Matthew Williams from Love, Laughter and Truth Blog
New mail: Evangeline sent you a private message
“I love casual dating, quickies in the park and pool sex . I’m not too picky about guys so just message me and let’s have some fun!”
Finally the crucial ingredient, the X Factor that I’ve been searching for, arrives via my inbox.
“I’m not too picky about guys…”
At last, my type of woman!
What’s that you say, sounds too good to be true? Way to burst my bubble, thanks a lot…
Upon further investigation it would seem that I have around 500 or so similar messages from young women that have just broken up with their boyfriends and aren’t looking for anything serious, all of whom have seen my profile on Facebook and would like to have some fun with me.
Maybe it’s right what they say, if it seems too good to be true it probably is.
But what if it isn’t? What if it’s really true, like, Spandau Ballet True? (No, I’m not talking about Evangeline and friends. I mean I’m flattered and everything but really, I’m not that kind of guy – what would my mother say?!?).
It seems to me that there can be quite a bit of fear in the – dare I say it – middle-aged dating market. Men and women hurt by past relationship break-ups, by disappointments and let-downs, by promises and punctured hopes, leaving them closed and guarded to protect themselves from further hurt.
Of course this is understandable but is it for the best? Now, I know as well as anybody that a rhino-hide can be a considerable asset in the fickle world of internet dating, where hopes can be raised and dashed with the frequency of a winter shower. Dealing with such frequent disappointments is not for the faint of heart and some form of caution and self-protection is probably wise, particularly in navigating the shark-infested waters where liars and time-wasters can be known to hunt for their latest piece of chum.
The problem as I see it comes when we begin to doubt that we really will find what we are looking for, the happiness that we seek and the love that we deserve. When we fail to fully open ourselves to their possibility for fear of the vulnerability that it would expose. When we believe the idea that something that seems as though it could be amazing is most probably too good to be true.
Sometimes, inevitably, it will be. But sometimes it won’t. Every day people experience amazing things in their lives. People – normal people like you and I – win the lottery, claim Olympic gold medals and overcome insurmountable odds to take their lives to a higher plateau. Why not us?
I recently heard an interview with Pulp’s marvellous Jarvis Cocker, in which, while discussing songwriting, he made the following observation,
“I think that’s the main thing you’ve got to get over, to think ‘I could create things’. You tend to think it’s just the superbeings who can do that, or geniuses, and that’s rubbish. That’s what I appreciate when I listen to songs, that another human being did that, and it came from nothing. They wrote something where there was nothing before. That’s kind of a miraculous event for me and that is what keeps me doing it, it’s nice to have little miracles in your life isn’t it?”
I think there is a wider lesson here: amazing things don’t just happen to superbeings and geniuses, they can happen to any of us, and nothing feels more amazing than a deep connection between two human beings that love each other. Further, that can inspire us to even greater things, witness as an example the great songs that have been inspired by the love for a muse (Something by George Harrison / The Beatles – I’m looking at you).
But to fully experience that, to be fully alive to the possibility, we must recognise the opportunities that life presents to us and then embrace them with everything that we have.
Having experienced two bouts of severe and debilitating depression I have experienced darkness beyond anything I could have imagined; having come through the other side perhaps my greatest realisation was that if it was possible for life to be so dark, so terrible, then it was possible for it to be brighter and more amazing than I could ever have imagined too.
So it has proved to be: my job, my children, my writing – in so many ways life has been better than ever before. Yes, I’ve suffered further pain and hardships, none more so than divorce.
But that’s life.
Life will hurt, no matter what we do to try to protect ourselves; but in the grand scheme of things, in the wider expanse of our life, most of our hurts are fleeting. Let’s not deny ourselves the happiness that is out there for us through fear of dreaming, fear of somehow ‘jinxing’ what could be a good thing by daring to hope, or by deeming ourselves incapable or unworthy of receiving life’s greatest gifts.
There are no guarantees in this life but whatever happens, you can deal with it. That’s what people do. Take your chances of happiness where you find them and don’t give yourself any reasons for regret, after all, it’s nice to have little miracles in your life isn’t it?
Don’t hold back. Don’t live life half-heartedly.
It may be the only one you get.
My name is Matthew Williams, single father to two children and divorced ex-husband to an ex-wife. I started writing my blog in December 2015 as I attempted to make sense of my rollercoaster life following divorce and my introduction to the weird – and sometimes wonderful – world of dating.
At ‘Love, Laughter & Truth’ you will find:
Love – lost, and hopefully to be found again;
Laughter – because life’s better when you’re laughing, and
Truth – well, the truth as I see it anyway.
Thank you for reading, please visit my blog for more love, laughter and truth: https://lovelaughtertruthblog.com/