How To Tell If You Are In A Rebound Relationship

A rebound relationship is common – we’ve all been there. You’re fresh out of a relationship and you feel a crushing emptiness. Then you meet someone and immediately attach yourself to them. As a leading dating influencer and dating coach,  I know while this can be helpful and healing, it can also be detrimental. Especially if you’re doing it for all the wrong reasons. But sometimes it can be hard to tell what the right and wrong reasons are. There’s a thin line between healthy and unhealthy when it comes to moving on from your ex.

When we are in a relationship, regardless of how long, we feel as though we’re building towards a future. If that person leaves then it’s as though they take a piece of us with them. This leaves that feeling of emptiness, which can lead to looking for something to fill that hole. There are rare instances that a rebound relationship has actually helped someone get over their past. But, mostly they are doomed to fall apart. That is because you’re not ready to be in a relationship. There is a time frame after a break up where you’re better off alone. You have to contemplate what the relationship meant versus what it means now. You have to come to terms with the fact that it’s over. You have to go through the stages of grief, and finally accept that it’s time to move on.

Here are some of the tell-tale signs that you’re in a rebound relationship:

You know that your relationship is only temporary

While you might be happy to spend time with this person, you recognize they aren’t your future. You don’t see a wedding or a picket fence. They are just there for spanning time until the next best thing comes along. Or, you’re using them to fill a void that your ex left.

You enjoy the attention your new partner gives you

You felt an emptiness when your ex left. You felt insecure and like you weren’t good enough. The attention your new partner gives you makes you feel good about yourself. It makes you feel desirable and worthy. But, it’s not going to last forever and you know it. I had a client recently who joined an exclusive dating agency to meet new people, but kept going on dates purely because she enjoyed the buzz.

You find yourself neglecting your partner when you feel good

This is certainly one of the more obvious signs that you’re in nothing more than a rebound relationship. It means you only call on your new partner when you’re feeling particularly lonely. When you’re feeling good about yourself, you tend to to neglect them. This means you don’t associate your new partner with your genuine happiness.

You show off your partner to your ex or their friends

This is another tell-tale sign. Yes, if you’re in a new relationship and happy you’re going to want to show off your partner. But if you’re going out of your way to be seen around your ex, or their friends, you’re trying to gloat. You’re basically telling your ex “I don’t need you, because I can get someone else”. Sometimes this is a sign that you’re bitter and petty about the end of the relationship. You need to rise above those urges.

You look for traits in your new partner that remind you of your ex

This alone doesn’t mean you’re in a rebound relationship. Most people have a type. They like a certain hair colour or a series of personality traits. But, if you find yourself consciously associating certain things about your new partner with those of your ex, you may have a problem. If it’s a fleeting thought, you don’t have to worry.

You often think about your ex when you’re with your new partner

Now, to say that just because you think of your ex automatically means you’re in a rebound is wrong. After the time you spent with that person, it’s only natural they will cross your mind. You may occasionally look up their social media, or find yourself walking by their place of work. You may have random urges to see the person or get in touch. While it’s healthy to consider, it’s not healthy to act on. But there’s a good chance you already know that. If you genuinely want things to work with your new partner, ask yourself how you would feel in their shoes. It’s time to get over the ex.

You don’t introduce your new partner to friends and family

If you try to keep your new partner from your existing life, like friends or coworkers, this means you don’t consider them a valuable part of your life. Now some relationships prefer to be casual, so it depends on the limits you and your new partner agreed on. But if you’re supposed to be in a real relationship and you’re hesitant to bring your new partner around your friends, it’s time for an evaluation about why.

These are all very common traits to exhibit if you’re in a rebound relationship. If you find yourself guilty of any of them, there is still hope. The most important thing you have to known is that if it feels wrong, it is. If you have to question if you’re in a rebound relationship then you probably are.

James Preece is  relationship expert uk royalty.  He’s been a dating coach for 10000s of men and women all over the UK.  If you have a dating problem then get in touch and see if he can help. He’s helped many people escape a difficult relationship and find a great partner. 

James Preece
Dating Coach and Dating Expert at The Dating Guru
James Preece is the Dating Guru.

He is the UK's leading Dating Coach and Relationship Expert, helping 1000s find love each year.