How to Talk to Girls

Let’s start off with the fact that I am a girl.

A 30-something, actively-dating girl who happens to be attractive as well as smart and witty – I would say I am a catch, so how do you hook a girl like me? You might be in a swanky bar, on your lunch break or even in line at the bank, and you spot someone who immediately tickles your fancy…she may even give you a little rise in the pants department *wink, wink*.

What should you do is you want to want to learn how to talk to girls? There is plenty that you shouldn’t do first and foremost (and I am talking from experience unfortunately). Cheesy chat up lines are the biggest and most obvious NO. Women respect genuine interest, not word vomit which has been spewed at hundreds of poor victims before them. If you are thinking “but my ‘are your legs tired?’ line is a classic!” please slap yourself and never utter it again.

Being too forward is another huge NO. Arrogance is repulsive. No girl wants a man who forcefully invades her personal space then starts throwing conversation at her like a tennis ball machine. Men shouldn’t feel entitled to our attention, you have to earn it. On the contrast, being shy and awkward is a sure fire way to kill any spark, so if your confidence is low – do not go! Your approach is key to whether you will get a number or a hasty brush-off so relax and keep it real at all times. Now that the main don’ts are covered we can focus on the do’s…

Let’s talk body language and the art of suggestion so you know how to talk to girls. Eye contact is a must, even a small smirk added would be enough to suss if she is interested. If she sees you and smiles back or even stares more than once it’s a sign she could be interested. That is your window for approach. Sometimes life doesn’t give you enough time to play ‘flirty eyes’ – you may be walking down the street and glimpse a hottie as she hurries past. If you are confident enough and like a risk you could walk after her and make your introduction, although this is a gamble – its 50/50 whether you will get a positive response or be totally ignored.

Social contexts like bars and clubs are probably the easiest places to learn how to talk to girls and generally meet women. For one, the majority tend to be single. Throw in some alcohol and good vibes and you have an ideal set up. So, you are in the bar, dressed and groomed well with minty fresh breath (always a good start!). You see your target; a cute brunette by the bar. She doesn’t see you so you decide to approach. You could say something like “Can I just say, you have the most amazing eyes” something which targets an area of her that makes her stand out from the crowd.

We women love to be noticed, and I mean really noticed not just “you look hot!” or “you’re so sexy”. We want to know what makes us hot…what do you find so sexy? Be specific (not overtly sexual though), it immediately makes you that more interesting. Even if she is not initially attracted to you, she will still feel obliged to thank you and give you a window to introduce yourself (if she is polite) which is really all you need.

Remember confidence, realness, be specific with compliments and zero sleaze at all times! Once in, get to know her… ask her what she enjoys doing, what she does as a career, what music she’s into…anything just below the surface where you can find some common ground. Show her small samples of what you have to offer her mentally, women love to be intrigued by a man. If you play your cards right you’ll be well on your way to her 11 digits.

Unfortunately, things do not always work out in your favour, as you’re probably very aware. You will meet women who are taken, rude, uninterested and sometimes even insulting. As men, you have to have a very laid-back, thick-skinned persona to navigate through the world of rejection without being left emotionally scarred. I have had men resort to throwing drinks at me, telling me I am “ugly anyway” or even grabbing my bum and running away as retaliation to a polite rejection. It’s not only vile and immature, it makes women a lot more defensive the next time they are approached, so please men keep your composure and accept when no means NO.

The best way to deal with a lady who is totally uninterested is to respond with “ok, well enjoy your evening” and move on swiftly. Quick and simple and your dignity is left intact.  If you really want to learn how to talk to girls then I strongly suggest you book a session with James Preece today!

Selina – Single Girl and Dating Coaching Assistant

James Preece
Dating Coach and Dating Expert at The Dating Guru
James Preece is the Dating Guru.

He is the UK's leading Dating Coach and Relationship Expert, helping 1000s find love each year.