By: Nicole Rand
You may feel that you are ready to meet older women, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the ones you are interested in are willing to date younger men. Many women have their reasons for avoiding guys who are not their age or older. But that can change.
Reasons Women Don’t Date Younger Guys
We’ve rounded up some of the most common hesitations women have about dating younger men. The good news is that none of these are solid barriers that can’t be broken through and we will show you how to do just that. Just like guys who deal with approach anxiety, women have their own issues they are dealing with.
Women who dismiss the idea of dating younger men often do so because they assume he’ll be more boy than man.
An older woman wants to date someone with whom she can have an intelligent conversation. She expects a man to handle his own responsibilities and have a capacity for personal growth and emotional depth. She may doubt that a guy in his 20s or early 30s will fit that bill.
She might worry that he just has unresolved mommy issues or is looking for someone to do his laundry, or will just be way too emotionally immature for her to possibly feel appropriate dating him.
You need to present yourself in a mature way. Not to say that you need to grow a mustache and smoke cigars, but just try to lay off the lingo you are used to throwing around with your friends. An older woman appreciates conversation.
Don’t go overboard trying to act older, though. She’ll appreciate you being who you are, and will find many aspects of your younger persona to be cute and charming. She just needs to know you can handle yourself like a man.
Let her know about the responsibilities you have in your life, but make it a part of casual conversation, not an obvious pitch to prove yourself.
Allow her to feel comfortable talking to you about her world. Listen to what she’s saying. Show a capacity for understanding and caring. Make it clear for her to see that while you are younger, you are very much a man.
Worries about how it looks
Even though the older woman/younger man pairing has become much more popular in recent years, it’s still not common enough to go unnoticed.
A woman who is hesitant to date a younger man may be worried about raising eyebrows. She doesn’t want to be seen as a cradle-robber or have people asking if she’s with her son.
She may also be concerned that people will wonder why he’s with her. She wants to be seen as a great catch, and wishes to be in situations that emphasize that point, which she may think would include being with an older man. She knows that society can be sexist, ageist, and unkind, and she does not want whispers going around asking what he sees in her.
It can also be awkward for a woman to approach a younger man she is interested in. Fortunately, there are a few high-quality dating sites for cougars dating younger guys. These are dating sites specifically designed to help older women connect with younger guys interested in dating them.
If a woman is so blown away by how you make her feel, it’s likely she’ll start to care less and less about what other people think. What will become important is how comfortable she feels with you, and you can do a lot in this department.
Tell her you enjoy being with her. Compliment her. Proudly hold her hand. Make her laugh. Never make a snide comment about her age, even if you think it’s an innocent joke. If other people say something that makes her uncomfortable, don’t let it slide. Make her feel so confident about how you feel that other people’s opinions are irrelevant.
Lack of trust
An older woman may think that a younger guy is not capable of commitment. She may have a preconceived notion that he will have a wandering eye, and with plenty of options his own age, would very likely stray. She may doubt a younger man’s ability to stay focused on her.
You can build trust with an older woman by showing her from the beginning that she’s holding your attention. Look in her eyes and allow her to feel that you really see her. Listen to what she says and make her feel heard. Don’t look around at other women when you are with her.
Talk to her about your values. Let her know that honesty and integrity are important to you and prove it through your actions. If she finds inconsistencies in things that you tell her, regardless of the topic, she’s likely to wonder what else you are lying about.
Don’t be texting away or taking phone calls you don’t need to take while you are with her. There is no need to arouse suspicion about who you are talking with or texting with. Also, she shouldn’t be made to feel like communicating with someone else is more important to you than relishing time with her.
When you consistently show up as genuinely interested in an older woman and you speak honestly and sincerely, she’ll start to develop the trust she may have once thought she couldn’t have for a younger man.
An older woman may figure that a younger man is too broke to date her. She’s used to being wined and dined and expects a man to make some efforts to court her. She may think the younger guys should just stay with the younger girls who are fine with just hooking up.
She also doesn’t want to be perceived as a sugar mama and attract a guy who wants to be taken care of. She doesn’t mind paying for some things, but if it’s a regular occurrence, the dynamic of the relationship will drastically change. She wants to be with a man who at the very least can take care of himself.
You need to show her at the gate that you are capable of paying for a date. This is important. It doesn’t mean you have to be wealthy or take her on lots of extravagant outings, but in the very beginning, yes, pay for her dinner, and not at a fast food joint. Take her to an actual restaurant and pay for her dinner. Just do it.
Don’t ask her for money. Don’t ask her how much she makes. Don’t do anything that would insinuate that you see her as a meal ticket.
Also, being a gentleman can compensate for a lot. Open her car door, make her dinner, tell her how amazing she looks. Make her feel like a million bucks, and it won’t matter if you have far less.
Doubt that a younger man would be interested
An older woman may not expect a younger man to be interested in her. Even if she’s confident and completely comfortable with her age, she may assume that a younger guy will think she’s too old for him.
She may not want to approach a younger guy because she doesn’t want to be rejected and feel stupid for thinking a younger man would be interested in her if he really isn’t.
Therefore, if you are serious about an older woman, you may have to make the first move.
You need to be confident enough in yourself to approach her and give her sufficient reason to think you might be interested. Not in a cheesy or sleazy way, but in a manner that shows that your attention is on her and that you are undoubtedly enjoying her presence. If she’s interested, when she feels the vibe you are throwing her way, she’s likely to reciprocate.
Lack of common ground
An older woman may wonder what a younger guy could possibly have in common with her. He grew up in a completely different generation. She may doubt they would have anything to talk about. What will you talk about on a first date? Will it be awkward the whole time?
When you meet an older woman, ask about her interests. Let her talk about herself as much as she wants to. Take mental notes of what she tells you. Look for the similarities.
There is a really good chance there is plenty of common ground. You might be fans of the same sports teams, or share a love for running, or have similar musical tastes. I
f you keep your eyes open for older women at places that celebrate your interests, there’s a better chance that she’ll overlook your age difference because she’s so excited about sharing a passion with you. Sports bars on game days, churches, meditation centers, volunteer projects, and hiking groups are all places where you may find important commonalities with older women.
Also, be open and communicative and find out if your core values are the same. That can more than make up for not understanding her pop culture references.
So, don’t be discouraged if you hear an older woman say that she isn’t interested in younger men. You now have the tools necessary to show her that you may be a perfect match, regardless of age.