How Often Should I Text Him?

We’ve all asked ourselves these questions: Am I being annoying? Did I text too soon? What if he doesn’t reply? Why hasn’t he answered? I’m sure there are many more questions as well. You want to let him know you’re interested, without being too eager. You don’t want to make him feel like he’s being rushed into anything.  As a relationship coach, I know that most rushed relationships will fall apart. If you want this to last, you’ve got to understand how much space is too much or too little. Knowing how often to text him can be difficult.

Of course there are guidelines for when to text and how often. However, not every situation is going to be the same. Some men actually prefer the woman to text first and to text frequently. It makes them feel desired and wanted. Even if it’s just about getting to see them again. Others would prefer you don’t text for a few days. You can take either approach and see how they work out for you, but if you think they are the one, you don’t want to take risks.

So how do you know for sure, without risking being too needy or too distant? If the question is how often should I text him, the answer isn’t going to be what you expect!

The best way to know “How often Should I text him” is by asking. It’s forward, yes. But it will save you a lot of the anxieties and keep you from crossing any boundaries you didn’t know where there in the first place. Ask him how frequently he’d like you to text up front. Don’t wait or beat around the bush. Ask him what time of day is best for texting back and fourth. This way, you’re giving him the power to control the timing. You’re also getting to know his schedule and when he’s got the freest time. You’re also avoiding the concern of being annoying because you’re only texting when he said you should. If he texts first, then obviously reply. But keep an open dialogue. If you’re at work at might have infrequent replies, let him know. Ask him to do the same. This will get the two of you on the same page, which is likely to increase your chances of success.

With that out of the way, your focus can be on the types of texts you should be sending. You want to keep him interested, wanting to see you again. You don’t want all the interactions to be about “how was your day” and “work sucks”. Find a way to ask questions that will help you get to know them. Make sure they aren’t too personal though. Share things about your day alongside stories of “that time when”. But don’t drone on in paragraphs and don’t make everything about you. The point of sharing is to give away little pieces of yourself while being suspenseful. You want him to want to know more. You want him to ask questions and learn about you. You also want him excited for the next time you get to see each other.

Just a tip: If it takes days/weeks to reply, he’s not into you. That’s just fact. It’s time to cut the cord and try with someone else. If someone is truly interested in you, they will make the effort. This doesn’t mean instant responses, but it should be within a day or two.