Why am I still single?

No one wants to be “that person”. The one sitting by themselves or the third wheel out with your friends. It’s awkward and uncomfortable. Not to mention, it really gets you down on yourself. How are you supposed to be happy when everyone around you is flaunting their love? You know you can’t avoid it. You’ve probably tried dating too. But nothing seems to work out for you and you ask yourself over and over “why am I still single?”. It gets frustrating. Rest assured, almost everyone has been in that place at some point in their lives. As a Dating Coach, I have helped 10000s of singles find love. The first step to finding someone is understanding why you haven’t already. It’s time to evaluate where you are and where you want to be. Quite literally.

The first step to finding someone is knowing what you want. It’s not enough to go out on dates me meet different people. If you don’t have an objective in mind, you’re never going to find what you’re looking for. Many people want to believe there’s no real destination. While that may be true for some, those are the ones living life at a more casual pace. If you’re asking “Why am I still single”, you’re not one of those people. You’re looking for something serious. Someone to settle down with. But how willing are you to pursue that goal?

That’s your next step. You need to establish the reason you’re struggling. It’s not always obvious. Many people have a blind spot to their own troubles and their own accomplishments. For instance, you could be afraid of entering a committed relationship. Maybe your heart is already retired to eternity alone. Maybe your insecurities about finding someone is causing your brain to play tricks on you. Often, that means making you feel like you’re unlovable or you’ll never find someone who appreciates you. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself:

– Am I afraid of real love?
– Am I afraid of disappointment and sabotaging myself?
– Do I think poorly of myself?
– Do I think I’m unlovable?
– Am I happy with myself?
– Do I find value in other areas of my life?
– Do I set proper boundaries for myself?
– Am I openly communicating my desires?
– Am I coming on too strong?
– Do I go for emotionally available people?

Hopefully, you’ve started to uncover a few reasons you’re asking yourself “Why am I still single .” Asking yourself questions is a great way to start painting the picture. Your next step changes. Now no one likes the idea that they have to change to find love. No one is asking you to become someone else. You need to be authentically you. It doesn’t hurt to start dropping some of the insecurities though. If you’re unhappy in your life, find something that you can use to make yourself happy, like a hobby. By making yourself happy and comfortable in your own skin, you’re more likely to attract a partner.

Of course, there are always other reasons that someone finds themselves single. You may be approaching potential dates a little too strong. You may radiate a type of desperation that others find unattractive. For the most part, being single is just a representation of how you’re approaching the whole idea of love. You’re likely thinking that finding a relationship will make you happier. It won’t. You need to be happy before you can find love. Trust me, you’re not unlovable!