How To Save A Relationship

When it comes to a rocky relationship, we all tend to panic. Our brains start asking “what went wrong?” or “is it too late to fix things?”. This stems from the fear of losing the relationship you’ve put so much time and energy into. As we reach the panic stage we start to lose sight of what really matters: Saving the relationship. It’s important to take a step back from those feelings and look at the bigger picture.

If you want to learn how to save a relationship, follow these 4 steps:

Remember what attracted you in the first place

Put yourself back in the mindset of when you first met your spouse. What was it about he/she that drew your attention? Has this changed? If so, what caused the change? Are there still elements of that first encounter in the relationship now? If so, then your relationship is definitely worth saving. You’re experiencing setbacks, maybe drifting apart. But if the spark is still there, then it’s worth fighting for. If you don’t feel like there’s any reason to try, you need to accept that it’s over. You need to move on and let your partner do the same. It’s time to start dating again

Communicate how you’re feeling to your spouse

The next step to know how to save a relationship is letting your spouse know what’s going on. Don’t try and hide your feelings because it’s only going to build resentment and cause the two of you to drift apart. Distance is likely an issue, so you want to reduce the emotional space between the two of you. Sit down with your spouse and tell them how you’re feeling. Make sure to express your desired outcome of fixing the relationship and building a stronger connection. If you leave out your plan, your partner may feel insecure and start to build a wall. If you want to save your relationship, that wall will be an obstacle. You may even sit down and have this conversation only to realise that neither of you are invested. In this case it it’s an unhealthy relationship and you need to get out fast.

 Take time and make it count

In order to close the distance you’ve been feeling, you need to spend quality time with your spouse. This means you likely have to shut out the rest of the world for a little while. Go without cellphones. Snuggle by the television. Or go out somewhere nice. You can choose to go somewhere that has sentimental value for the two of you and then relax with a night in. Make sure that you’re spending quality time together regularly. We often forget to do this because of the flow of life but it’s important when learning how to save a relationship

Remind yourself and each other that every relationship has rocky moments

This is the most important step to help save a relationship. You may feel like you have too many problems to make it work. You may feel like everything is too hectic. You may feel like you’ve drifted too far apart. Or you may be letting your insecurities try to spoil your relationship. Many times, people convince themselves that they are the problem or they blame their spouse. Accept that you are both flawed, prone to mistakes as all humans are. Forgive yourselves and forgive each other.

James Preece
Dating Coach and Dating Expert at The Dating Guru
James Preece is the Dating Guru.

He is the UK's leading Dating Coach and Relationship Expert, helping 1000s find love each year.